Out of Order

I'm about three days behind, and don't really feel like going in order... that was enough emo questions and it is exhaussssting trying to be honest and emotional and not piss people off or forget to include them or whatnot, so that's why my 10 people post is taking me about a year and a half to write, begrudgingly. So, instead, I will tackle the easier ones first.

Describe your most embarrassing moment...

How easy it would be if there was one standalone horrifying moment, but the truth is, when you have the type of relationship with gravity and general bad luck that I do, cringe-worthy moments are about a dime a dozen. So is it the time I wiped out in the middle of the quad at uni in front of everyone? The time I skidded across the dance floor on New Years Eve, on my ass? When I tried to be a badass and slammed the gas pedal, only to find that the car was in reverse as I hit the car behind me? The horror movie quality screams from when a pigeon flew into me at Namesti Republiky and I had a total spastic freakout? Or the time I turned into a human avalanche, skis, arms, and poles flailing as I careened towards what I thought was my death?

Whatever. I have the world's fastest blush response time it seems, but most of this doesn't bother me. I just think it's funny, and will carry on laughing to myself for the next half hour or so (just to complete the look of a total nutjob, in case anyone was left wondering). In this, I like to follow the wise words of Chelsea Handler...

Next question is...

Describe 10 Pet Peeves You Have...

Just ten?!?!?

1. People who don't know how to play the guitar but insist on picking it up and strumming along anyway. STFU. Do you think that you'll pick it up and magically the chords from Stairway to Heaven will emanate from your fingertips? This is quite possibly the thing that drives me the most insane. Just put it down and be quiet.
2. Male roommates who don't put the seat down. Rude. 
3. Old people who cut in line. I am all for being nice to the elderly, but just because you're 80 years old doesn't mean you can look me in the eye and then sidle in front of me at checkout. Actually, yes you can because I'm not actually ballsy enough to say anything about, but be warned - there will be a LOT of "Hmphs" directed at you.
4. That Czech people don't ever move out of the way on the sidewalk. This sidewalk ain't big enough for the both of us, y'hear? But seriously, international traffic patterns apply. Move over!
5. Lady Gaga, every time she gives an interview. It's too much.
6. When there are typos and grammatical/spelling errors in books. If enough people read this for it to be published, surely SOMEONE with an English degree must have seen this and noticed. (Update: Please note I have neither an English degree nor a publisher, and no one is proofreading these, not even me to be honest, so errors here are completely acceptable.)
7. Pretentious expats. I'm sure there are plenty of times when I come off as a pretentious expat as well, but I am talking about the type of expat who move to Prague and think they are soooooo global and cultural and interesting and all they want to do is talk about philosophy and why they're so much better than everything around here and that the Czech Republic is backwards and look at this fabulous vintage sweater I got and intelligentsia and blah blah blah. These people are also usually about 23, so they also are naive and immature as well as pretentious. Quite similar to hipsters in other parts of the world. Go away. 
8. People who click the "Like" button on Facebook for inappropriate status updates. Like when you see your dear friend post something like, "God bless you Grandma, I miss you already. RIP" or "Day 528 and still no electricity" and then along comes some asshole and clicks thumbs up.
9. When people call me Lauren. 
10. When I try to speak Czech and people look at me like I have two heads, and then answer in English. The same people that will only speak Czech if I use English. Stop screwing with me, I know what you're doing. 

Blahhhh, now back to working on the emotional one. Pet peeve #11.

A Little Thursday

I have no idea what parallel universe I was in today, but every single time I turned around, a different tiny little man was standing behind me. Like under 5 feet. Was really bizarre.

Annnnnywho, today's topic is...

What five passions do you have?
If I say wine, does this make me look bad?

1. Making Attempting to make pretty things. Have recently got back into drawing and painting, and our apartment is slowing starting to fill up with the results of Sunday afternoons spent listening to Christmas music and painting with Peej in the kitchen. Enormously relaxing, and with something to show for it at the end. 
2. Food. I think it's fairly safe to say that my lack of funds is the only thing standing in the way of me being a gazillion pounds, and my lack of time from me being a first rate chef (well, maybe that's a bit of a stretch). Cooking it, eating it, talking to Steph about it for hours on end, reading about it, it's all good.
3. Books. Usually at a rate of 2 or 3 a week. Thank goodness for Kindle and it's top 100 free. (Also, this website: Hundred Zeros. In fact, just found 3 new ones there now.) 
4. Containers. This sounds incredibly bizarre, but I think Peej would tell you there is not really a better way to describe it. Everything needs to be in its own box or basket or jar or folder. It's insanely OCD, but it makes me happy seeing how organized my underwear drawer is. 
5. Running.*

*ha. no. 

Lucky No. 7

Another cold and blustery day. Sleepy from watching election results with my fellow Americans, but full of good cheer at the results (Gobama!) and slightly amused by the Czech reaction to it - lots of excitement on the trams and trains this morning.

Today's topic is...

What is your dream job, and why?
Does retirement count?

• Owning a pottery painting studio. Prague's version of Color Me Mine, but way cooler, here in Letna. My copy of Business Plans for Dummies and my Golden Hands notebook are getting quite the workout. Possibly the only good thing to come out of me and Shan's doomed trip to Kutna Hora, I want to do this because I can think of nothing better than spending my day making fabulous things and helping other people to do it too. This feeds both my creative needs and my love of being in control. It's uber relaxing and highly marketable, and it means I'd never need to teach the past perfect continuous ever again.
• Restaurant critic. Because if financially able, I would be a gazillion pounds due to gorging myself on every delectable menu item at each restaurant in the land. Eat and give an opinion? Piece of cake.
• Professional organizer. Because then I could buy as many containers as my little heart desired, and write them off as a business expense. 
• IKEA furniture putter-togetherer. It's legit.
• BBC News Anchor. So I can use my ridiculous newscaster accent and make everything sound extremely dramatic. Paul John got to hear it during last night's election coverage, and this just in... he digs it. His newscaster voice sounds like Hyacinth Bucket.
• Leader of the free world, because, obviously. 

Reporting live from the BBC Central European desk, Paul John. 

Bummer of a Sixth

Today's topic is a doozy...

What is the hardest thing you've ever experienced?

Yowza.

I think I have been pretty lucky. Aside from a few bumps along the way, things are generally footloose and fancy-free. Plus, those of you who know me know I am generally not a big talker about emotional things (until we're having a little porch party and I'm a couple glasses of wine in, but that's only in front of a select few of you!), so this is gonna be strange.

I can't really pinpoint the moment when I started to feel like everything was just not right. On paper, things looked fine - a decent job, a nice apartment, a fantastic group of friends, and a guy that I was planning my life with. But there was a little something that was trying to tell me this isn't right.

I felt completely hopeless. Completely stuck. Completely frustrated. What the hell was I doing? Was this it? I was so unhappy, and I hated the person I was turning into, but I didn't know what to do about it. Looking for a different job was miserable as I had no idea what I wanted to do and nothing looked remotely appealing, and I couldn't stand the thought of staying in the suburbs or moving to the city and where does that leave you? Planning for a future was equally miserable, as it was so dependent on work and I just didn't want to think about it. Going back to school seemed daunting for the same reason. It all came down to WTF am I meant to be doing? I don't think I can articulate how totally depressed I was. I cannot ever remember feeling so miserable and so hopeless and so stuck for so long.

So in typical fashion, it was time for rash decisions and big changes. Move out, break up, quit. Excellent. Except now I'm single, unemployed, and living with my parents at 25. Not the worst thing in the world, but hardly sustainable.

My students always ask me, "Why Prague?" I usually tell them something like "Ohhhhhh, my friend from high school told me it was a great idea/the job market in the US is terrible/I've always wanted to live in Europe/I really like beer/I love teaching (ha! no one buys that, I've stopped trying to sell it)/drugs." I find these are much easier answers to explain that "I was running away."

Because that's what it was. I needed a total escape, from everything. I love home. I love the people, the places, everything that New Jersey is. But I needed to get away from it, desperately.

Getting on that plane was the hardest thing I have ever done. Saying goodbye to everyone broke my heart. I still cry when I think about home, or hear a song that reminds me of driving around blasting it and singing at the top of our lungs, or if I see a boston terrier in the park, or have something super important to tell someone but everyone's six hours behind, but I also feel free. I posted yesterday about how happy I am, and it's true. Coming to Prague has let me leave behind so much baggage, so much drama, so much frustration.

It means the world to me that my family continues to support me, and my friends are still the loves of my life, even if it's weeks since we last spoke. I love that halfway around the world, I still have Peej here as a little piece of home, so when we're sad we can commiserate together about how much we miss taylor ham and bagels. The day I left, Lili gave me a letter which said "I don't know how long you plan on spending in Prague, but I hope you find what you're looking for. Clearly, life doesn't go according to plan but I think you will have lots of fun there and realize what you want to do with your life." (so wise, that young one) There are definitely days when I still think to myself whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is happening, what am I supposed to be doing?! But I feel much better about those days now.

Okay, that's enough emotions for one day. Hope tomorrow is something a bit more cheerful!

And so, I will leave you with this:

And because I want to be super cheerful, I also find these amusing...

Now, stop reading and go vote.

Gunpowder, treason and plot

Hope you're all huddled around a bonfire tonight. If you're British, do it for Guy. If you're Jersey, do it because you probably still have no heat.

Today's topic is...

What are the five things that make you the most happy right now?
But there are so many things!!!

1. That there are only 36 days until I get to go back to Jersey. I cannot wait to see everyone, indulge in some deliciousness at the diner, watch some Food Network, have free water with my restaurant meals, slurp down a giant Dunkin coffee, snuggle with Tuck, go see all of the cheesey wonderful Christmas things like the Ice Caverns at Fairfield Garden Center, take limitless hot showers, have a Prague reunion in DC, ring in the New Year and have a holly jolly Christmas. And I'm even more excited that I get to show off why NJ is so freakin' awesome to Donut. I know he will fall madly in love with it too!
2. That Thanksgiving is right around the corner! Love that our little trio of Americans are holding the tradition together and hosting a (somewhat) typical Thanksgiving meal for 30, count 'em, thirty of our nearest and dearest here in Prague. This means lists and baking and cooking and slight panicking about where all these people are going to fit in our apartment, but I'm excited!
3. Mint tea. It's now replaced blood in my system.
4. My excellent nurse. I'm constantly reminded what a lucky lady I am, and while I question Donut's taste in snacks, at least this means we will never fight over the last Margot bar (allllllllllll yours babe!). 
5. All of you people who take up so much room in my heart. I am so so so so so blessed to have such an amazing family, an fantastic group of friends scattered throughout the world, and a wonderful man who gets to hear constantly how fabulous the rest of them are. 

I could easily go on and on and on about the things that make me happy (maybe that will be for December). I can honestly say that while it can be rough being so far from so much that I love, no a day goes by where I don't stop and think "Holy crap, this life is amazing." And that is pretty damn fabulous. 

via Chase This Light

Day Four

Ten Things You'd Tell Your 16 Year Old Self...

1. All the jobs will be in IT. Study that, even though it's boring and you more often than not want to throw your computer out the window. It will be worth it when you have a good job with a decent salary and benefits and all those nice things that regular adults are meant to have.
2. You're never too young for eye cream. The best defense is a good offense. 
3. Don't stop using your French and Spanish. It's a valuable skill that not a lot of people have, so don't waste it.
4. Get off your butt. It will be a lot easier to cultivate a love of exercise when you're young and energetic enough to enjoy it, rather than when it seems like a punishment for one five too many beers or chocolate bars this week.
5. Travel early. Get out of the suburbs. See the world, and then decide where you're meant to be. But do it while you're young.
6. Your years of dancing til dawn and bouncing back within a few hours are numbered. Enjoy them while they last.
7. Learn to stand up for yourself and what you want and don't want. It's okay to say no, it doesn't make you a bitch or a bad friend or a bad colleague or a bad employee or any of the other things you think it will. It will, however, make you much less stressed. (This won't, however, be easy!)
8. Force yourself to try new things. You're going to end up loving olives after all.
9. Make time for hobbies. 
10. Learn how to make small talk and put yourself out there. Network, make new friends, and introduce yourself to as many people as possible. You never know who is going to impact you how, you just have to put yourself out there.

Annnnnnd there you have it. Now, if you'll excuse me, a bag of Skittles and an episode of Rome are awaiting me!

remember, remember, it's finally November

There are many posts that I meant to write... Shannon and me's misadventures in Kutna Hora (lesson of the day - always follow the crowd), Donut and me exploring DesignBlock and the World Press Photo Exhibit, mushroom hunting and Karlstejn and the Alfons Mucha Epic at the National Gallery, but I have been lazy. Bottom line, it's just laziness.

But I had been waiting for November so that I could do this. Because November has 30 days, so this works out quite nicely. I thought it would be a good way to force me into writing every day, which would in turn make it more natural to write more often.

Those were my intentions.

But the reality is that November 1st kicked off with a nonstop lonnnnng work day followed by a Pink Crocodile event, and November 2nd was jam packed full of a nasty migraine and a trip to the always lovely Prague emergency room, and now its 5pm on November 3rd, I am still camped out on Donut's couch trying to banish what's left of what shall now be known as the world's longest headache, and I have three days of the challenge to get caught up on. Sooooo, here goes.

Day One: List 20 Random Facts About Yourself
This is way hard.

1. More often than not, the voice in my head speaks with a British accent. It's like Bridget Jones is narrating my life. This is probably because I read the book about once a year, and have for since 1996. 
2. I hate pumpkin flavored things. In fact, all members of the squash family trigger an automatic gag reflex, so when September rolls around and everyone goes berserk for pumpkin lattes and pumpkin nutella muffins and pumpkin soup and pumpkin stuff browned butter ravoli, I want to throw up a little.
3. When I was little, I used to wish that I could sing instead of be smart. I often still think this, though the lack of a voice does not seem to diminish my lyrical performances (unfortunately for my roommates). 
4. I'm allergic to nail polish.
5. My favorite number is seven. 
6. It drives me insane that people assume my name is Lauren. I don't understand why people can't process more than one syllable and just shut their ears off after hearing "Laur".
7. When our internet was out a few weeks ago and I'd finished all the books on my Kindle, I started ready Grimm's Fairy Tales. I had to stop. Because they gave me nightmares. I'm 27.
8. I love to cook and bake, but there is one thing I absolutely cannot seem to make correctly. Steph knows this. It's cupcakes. They're my culinary nemesis. 
9. I am a terrible photographer. I'd like to blame the camera, but I'm pretty sure having a fancy one wouldn't make a lick of difference.
10. Questions such as "What's your favorite book?" or "What's your favorite movie?" always make me panic. I would love to say something impressive, like War Peace, and some impressive, artsy, directorially genius film, but the truth is that my favorite book is Bridget Jones' Diary and my favorite movie is Love Actually, because they make me happy. So hmph.
11. When I was a kid, I used to break out in a rash when I ate too much ham. This was unfortunate, as I loved ham and would sneak pieces of it all day from the fridge whenever we went to visit grandma. I would always get caught. Guess how? Luckily, now that I live in the land of all things pork, this seems to be something I've grown out of.
12. I think most of my friends would agree that I am generally quite laid back and patient and seem to like everyone and that's true. But once I decide I don't like you, I can't stand you. It's very rare, and it annoys me that I do it, but it happens. Sorry, I'm not sorry
13. I'm pretty sure my iPod playlist resembles that of a 13 year old girl's. There's an embarrassingly large number of One Direction songs on it...
14. My favorite drink is an old-fashioned. Makes me feel like Joan Harris from Mad Men. Fierce.
15. Finding out my name day is June 1st was probably the greatest news a December baby could hear. 
16. I am a stickler for the rules. I'm terrified of getting in trouble, going where I'm not supposed to, or doing something I shouldn't. I've never stolen so much as a pack of gum. This is why I am often so reluctant to go along with Steph's schemes... but we always have fun so I'm eternally grateful to her for making me not be such a stick in the mud.
17. I'm gracefully awkward. I believe this poor relationship with gravity is due to a severe case of swimmer's ear on my 21st birthday. That, or my alcohol intake increased dramatically and that has something to do with it...
18. This list has taken an embarrassingly long amount of time.
19. I still have my belly button ring in. It's the only thing that gives me an innie. It's been almost half my life and I feel naked without it, even if it is incredibly tacky. One day, I'll make the leap, but not today.
20. Running away to Prague was the scariest, craziest, hardest thing I've ever done. And while I miss everyone from home so much every single day, it was also the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am a much happier, healthier, and saner person that I was when I got here. Must be the beer ;)

Day Two: List Three Legitimate Fears You Have and Explain How They Became Fears

I'm pretty sure they are referring to something serious, like "I'm afraid I'll be alone because I was once lost at the mall for two hours" or something, not what's listed here...

1. Birds. Awful creatures. I'm pretty sure it started after getting pecked by a Canadian Goose at Waterloo Village. This was followed by pigeons in Trafalgar Square, an owl at some country festival in England, and being chased down and nearly pecked in the head by an ostrich at 6 Flags. It's like they know. However, despite the fact that they scare the bejesus out of me and send my blood pressure sky high as my heart pounds away, I do love stylized bird decorations for the home and on jewelry. Go figure.
2. Skiing. One fateful day, when I was 12, we were on some boy scout ski trip with my brother. It was late in the season and everything was icy. I did decently in my lesson, but froze on the ski slope and didn't want to get off. What followed was a graceless thump as my body hit a snow drift. Once I got going, I made it about a quarter of the way down the ski slope before someone hit me in perhaps one of the most horrific hit-and-run accidents known to Great Gorge, NJ. One ski pops off and hits me in the stomach, and the other whacks me in the head, knocking me out as I start rolling down the hill in what seemed to me at the time to be like in a cartoon. My teeth chomp through my lips, and my ski pole whips from my right hand, across my nose, and slices 1/8th of an inch underneath my eye. When I come around, spitting out a mouthful of my own blood, there's my mom, telling me to go hike back up the hill, collect my runaway skis, and walk down the mountain. Toddlers were laughing at me. This was, after all, the bunny slope. I go to first aid, looking like a patient in an Outbreak-esque film, with mascara and blood running from my eyes, a mangled mouth and a swollen nose. Therefore, I simply do not see the appeal of hurtling down the side of a mountain strapped to two skinny pieces of wood (fiberglass?) with sticks that will blind you whilst it's freezing cold out. You can find me in the lodge, or the hot tub, with a spike mug of hot chocolate. That's infinitely more enjoyable than a death ride down massacre mountain. 
3. Mice. Anyone who was ever in our Morristown apartment slum knows why.

Day Three: Describe Your Relationship with Your Parents

I am incredibly lucky to have such amazing parents who have always supported me, trusted me to do what's best for myself, and been there to help as much as I needed. I certainly have tested that plenty of times over the years, but I couldn't ask for better parents, and I love and miss them both terribly. I could ask that they fly over and visit more often though! :)

Phew, that's a lot of writing. To everyone in NJ, I'm thinking of you. Hope your power is back soon, your homes are okay, and that your families are safe.

If you would like to help those whose lives were impacted by Hurricane Sandy, there are numerous relief efforts available. Red Cross has donation options available via text message and iTunes, and a quick Google search for Hurricane Sandy Relief can provide you with more specific local needs.