Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Berlin or Bust

It's 4:30am and I am standing in the freezing cold, waiting for the last night tram to shlep me out to Andel for today's trip to Berlin to apply for our visas. It thankfully is only a few minutes late, and I hop on and attempt to not look any of the other crazies riding along with me in the eye. And then it happens...

A few stops in I am joined by a walking gin bottle. Said gin bottle proceeds to sit directly behind me and tap me on the shoulder to ask for a cigarette. When I tell him I don't have any, he says okay. Two minutes later, he taps again. 

"How much vooood it cost me to change my situation viz you?"


"I know my Eeenglish is not so good, but how much voooood it cost for me to change my situation viz you?"

At this point, I am simultaneously horrified while wondering whether I have a very Hollywood-ized mental picture of what a hooker looks like and whether ladies of the night normally wear outfits made to do battle with yetties. 

"Vere is you from?"

"New Jersey."

"Oh, ze place viz ze alligators."

"Umm, no. No alligators. Perhaps you have the wrong word?"

"No, alligators. Like little crocodiles."

"Oh. Still, no."

"Vood you like to see me spin at ze club? I vill give you my facebook information." (Freakin' deejays. Really.)

"No, thanks, I'm alright." 

Thankfully, by this point we are pulling into Andel and he did not get off and follow me. #Winning. Get to school and we pile into a van with a chauffer who clearly missed a calling as a stock car driver and is trying to squeeze it in anyway and set off for Germany. It's absolutely frigid (perhaps our driver was too flushed with excitement to turn the heat on?) and I spend about 45 minutes contemplating how annoyed my fellow TEFLers would be if I grabbed them and forced them to cuddle for the next four hours before nodding off. 

Berlin was very nondescript (our visit, not the actual city). We drove past the remaining piece of the Berlin wall on the way to the consulate, but sadly, that's the extent of our siteseeing. Oh well, next time. 

At least got to see some of what the Czechs like to call "the nature" (aka, the countryside) and it's beautiful. Definitely need to get a weekend away where we go to the nature. Pick mushrooms or something. Fabulous. 

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